We just moved into a new townhouse, and I love it. It’s like a 1970s Palm Springs dream home, and every day it makes me feel happy just to walk in the door.
However, with every new place comes things both good and bad. Even dream homes.
(Warning: Grainy iPhone photos ahead.)
GOOD
A weird atrium in the middle of the house. Look at all the sunlight! And rocks galore!
BAD
We have nothing to put inside this atrium except a cactus that looks like a penis.
GOOD
Carpet! No more incessant CLICKY-CLICKY-CLICKY of dog nails hitting the hardwood.
BAD
Brown.
GOOD
Microwave! After four years of deliberate, microwave-free living, I was secretly excited to see our kitchen cabinets were pimped out with a microwave.
BAD
It doesn’t work. Of course it doesn’t. Look at it. It’s from the Smithsonian Museum of Appliance History.
GOOD
The guest room has a Murphy bed. And as someone who has watched many a comedy film, I know that Murphy beds mean one thing, and one thing only. Hijinks.
BAD
What the hell could be bad about a Murphy bed?
GOOD
The guest room also contains a built-in desk. And a chair too. This room has everything!
BAD
When we moved in, there was a pair of old, pink panties on the chair.
This room has everything.