Travel

To counteract yesterday’s “OMG! The world is scary!” post, I wanted to focus on the fun, exciting and freaking fantastic things that await us.

Here are the top 10 places, sights and experiences I’m looking forward to during this adventure:

1. Ethiopia — I am enchanted with Ethiopia, a fact I didn’t even realize until I started planning this trip. Something about the country reaches into my soul and holds it tight. Maybe my life will be forever changed by Ethiopia. Or maybe I’m just going to gorge myself on completely awesome food. Either way, it’ll be bliss.

2. Machu Picchu — I’ve read countless travel blogs that say Machu Picchu is disappointing, overrun with tourists, doesn’t meet expectations. I don’t care. Visiting this lost city of the Incas has been on my to-do list for as long as I can remember. I think the hike up the Inca Trail will make it even more satisfying.

3. Boliva — There’s a witches’ market, a hotel made of salt and the world’s most dangerous road. What’s not to like?

4. Wildlife reserves and national parks of Botswana — I’m not ashamed to admit that most of my Botswana knowledge came from “The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency” series. But I can’t wait to explore this country’s diverse wildlife habitats for myself.

5. Bungee jumping in Zambia — I’ve always laughed off the idea of bungee jumping by saying, “I may have come into this world from a broken rubber, but I’m not going out on one.” But that’s mostly because my bungee jumping opportunities so far have been limited to a crane and a piece of underwear elastic, run by carnies in rural Ohio. However, I’m pretty sure that if I make it to Victoria Falls, I have to go bungee jumping there. It might even be a rule.

6. Bagan — Every single time I see a photo of this ancient Burmese city, the sheer beauty of it makes me want to cry. In fact, I’m starting to cry right now.

7. Coffee in every country — Don’t get me wrong, I’ll drink any coffee you put in front of me, from the thick brews that need to be chewed to the oil-slicked puddles at deserted Route 66 diners. Still, there’s nothing I enjoy more than a really nice, black cup of joe, and our itinerary reads like coffee porn: Ethiopia, Kenya, Indonesia, Vietnam, India, Peru. Add in a fling with Juan Valdez and you have the stuff of my fantasies.

8. Working with elephants — The tourism industry has fed into the ugly and systematic abuse of elephants in Southeast Asia, but there are some great organizations working hard to help these magnificent creatures. I want to be a part of doing something good.

9. Coca leaves — Don’t judge me. They’re totally legal.

10. Food EVERYWHERE — My husband jokes that I’m going to write the sequel to “Eat, Pray, Love,” except my book will just be called “Eat.” I cannot wait to fill my belly with dumplings, noodles, rice, potatoes and carbs I haven’t even heard of yet. This world promises to be delicious!

Despite the awesomeness of this trip, I’m focusing on all the bad things that could happen. And I’m not talking about the usual travel misfortune — getting chewed by bedbugs, having a few bucks stolen by a pickpocket, misplacing my passport.

No, I have all of these stupid, irrational fears — admittedly enhanced by Hollywood — that keep clogging up my brain.

So in an effort to get this stuff out of my head once and for all, here are my top 10 completely ridiculous fears about traveling around the world.

1. Brain-eating parasites.

2. Sliding off a glacier and plunging to my death. (Possibly with my corpse encased in ice until the end of time.)

3. Having all of my earthly possessions stolen in a place where I am unable to speak the language, leaving me to wander the streets, alone, dirty and sad.

4. Kidnapped and sold … for far less than what I’m worth.

5. Running out of money just two months into the trip.

6. Befriended by a charming man who asks me to hold a package that turns out to be heroin, and then I’m seized by police and tossed into a rough women’s prison.

7. Monkey bites! From rabid monkeys! Or even just healthy ones.

8. Never quite getting the hang of pooping in squatter holes.

9. A huge, rolling boulder that threatens to flatten me unless I escape from the temple in the nick of time.

10. Coming out of this experience unchanged, just broke.