Argentina

Whether you call it football or soccer, one thing is certain — attending a game in South America is a must.

For me, there was no better place than Buenos Aires, where I could root for one of the nation’s most beloved teams, Boca.

Though my knowledge of the game is limited — um, I saw “Bend It Like Beckham” once — I find it really easy to get caught up in the energy and excitement of a crowd. The home team was winning, the stands crackled with electricity and I sang and cheered until my throat went dry.

Interested in checking out a match for yourself? Here are my top tips for how to score some major points.

DO

Go with a group, especially if it’s your first time. The stadium is crowded, the situation is overwhelming and the fans are nuts. And we’re not talking about the kind of nuts where they paint their tummies and wear cheese wedges on their heads. These fans will set you on fire.

Scream your fool head off, even if you don’t know the words to the chants.

Stay tucked well underneath the balcony where the visiting supporters sit. The fans tend to get rowdy and throw things at the fans below. That includes waste … human waste.

Stay in your seat until the police say you can leave. Once the game is over, visiting supoprters have 30 minutes to leave the stadium. When they have cleared out, home team fans can go.

Roll up your pant legs before leaving. For some weird reason, fans of the losing team all get the urge to piss at the same time on the stairs of the stadium, leaving the winning team’s fans to wade through muck and puddles.

Chat with the cute guy next to you by mumbling something like, “Moreno is really taking advantage of that defensive lapse and controlling the tempo of the game.” Should that fail, simply yell “OLE!”

DON’T

Buy a soda. It’s guaranteed to be flat and expensive.

Take anything valuable with you. There are pickpockets everywhere.

Root for another team while sitting in the home team section. This is a matter of life or death. Seriously.

Lose track of your group and spend an hour waiting for them on a very dangerous and dark street corner in a country where you don’t speak the language, all while wearing the rival team’s colors. (Not saying this is what happened to me. Just a random suggestion.)

GOOD TO KNOW

No alcohol is sold inside the stadium. So if you want to be a belligerent drunk, get spirited before the match.

Sometimes fans set off a bunch of flares inside the stadium, creating a lot of smoke and chaos. This appears to be acceptable behavior.

Most of all, have a fantastic time!