You’d think that I’d love Valentine’s Day, what with all the candy and cards and heart-shaped pizza. But I don’t.
It’s just that I hate being told what to feel. How can you possibly be starry-eyed and romantic when everything is shoved down your throat? It’s like the Linda Lovelace of holidays.
This is the same way I feel about the forced fun of Las Vegas. Yeah, yeah. You’re supposed to be all, “Vegas is so crazy epic, man, and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” You know what happens in Vegas? You spend too much money, cry in front of a stripper and vomit on yourself in an elevator. That’s what happens in Vegas. You want a truly debaucherous weekend? Go to Fresno. Shit gets real in Fresno.
That said, Valentine’s Day is going to happen every year whether I want it to or not, like a pap smear. So I might as well make the best of it with really weird, unconventional valentines.
So here you go — some of my very favorite lovey-dovey, but not cloyingly so, images. Consider this a sickeningly sweet, candy conversation heart just for you.
For the one who plays hard to get:
For the boring-ass couples in your life:
“Walking Dead” fans:
For medical students:
When love hurts:
And when love is taboo:
When you’re crushing on a glassblower:
For those who enjoy stern, disappointed animals:
And for my very close friends:
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